VBAC Update...

My husband and I had an appointment on friday with the Midwife, Margaret from Heaven Sent Birth in Oklahoma City. I honestly thought this would be the best compromise we could make. He felt most comfortable with being at a hospital or a birthing center, and I don't feel comfortable that what I want for the birth will be heard in a hospital and I will be pressured/forced into another c-section.

When we got there he was shocked to see it was literally a house that was turned into a business. Nobody lived there and it was much like the other businesses around it, once a house but now zoned for business. He also expected there to be more of a "professional" and set up with equipment similar to a hospital delivery room which this wasn't. It was a very home like environment, but honestly that's what you seek out a midwife and birth center for. Meeting Margaret was good. She was nice and well educated and I especially liked the difference in the types of questions she asked me. Nobody had asked me before that day to tell them about my previous c-sections and how I ended up having them, which I felt mattered a lot trying for a vbac. Doctors had only asked for records from the births and that was it. I think it was more the difference in the type of care I liked more than it was her. As I said, she was nice, but for me, she wasn't as personable as I would have liked. She gave me a lot of good tips such as diet and vitamins that were great to take and asked me to take a journal of everything I ate over the following week and email it to her and get her a copy of my current prenatal records to review as well and we'd all decide if it was the right fit at that point.

On the drive back home Will and I discussed the visit. He told me about his concerns and the misconception he had as far as how the center would be and he felt it was no different than having a home birth. He brought up trying another hospital that was suggested to us to be vbac friendly and said that's what he would be comfortable with. I expressed that at this point and seeing the difference in the type of care, that I felt much for comfortable with a midwife. Even having a doula for a hospital birth wouldn't take away any of those pressures that would be there at a hospital for intervention if progression didn't happen at a rate they wanted. Yes, a doula would help me make a more informed decision in the moment, but there's still that pressure of being hassled during labor rather than being able to focus on what you should. I also really love the idea of being able to labor how I feel is right, not stuck laying in a bed the whole time hooked up to an IV and other people telling me when and what should happen. I love the idea of letting my body guiding me through it because it truly knows how and that's not possible in a hospital. So at that point, the lines were drawn. It upset me because I want us both to be comfortable with the birth of this baby. I want him to want those same things and to him it's just not a priority, having a doctor is.

A turning point. He told me it's obvious we aren't going to agree on what we are comfortable with for the birth, which I had already come to realize. So what now? He told me to have the birth I feel comfortable with. He told me that if I feel most comfortable having a home birth then go for it. Because we aren't going to agree, he felt it was more importan that I am comfortable with it than he is. As excited as I was to finally have an "ok" for a home birth, I just wish it was because he also felt it was best. I'm still hoping he comes around and after seeing the difference in care that comes from a midwife he will understand that it is the best decision. I want it to be something we can both feel good about and know we did the right thing.

Once we got back home I pulled out my computer and contacted a midwife I was suggested from the beginning, Camarell. She chimed in a lot when I posted in a local group about wanting a vbac and was incredibly helpful with information and input on my possibilities despite a home birth not being an option for us at the time. I've talked to a girl in my local babywearing group, Alyssa, who had her second son with Camarell which was a home water vbac and had nothing but great things to say about her experience and Camarell herself. She told me about what wonderful care she received through her pregnancy. Things like her check ups were in her home, they all lasted at least an hour and as long as 4 hours, that she genuinely cared about her and her family rather than delivering her baby and that was it. I want that. With a doctor I feel like just another person coming into their office and once they leave the exam room I'm no longer important or that it doesn't matter much that I want a vbac because the hospital is going to end up making that decision in the end.

This is honestly the most excited I've been so far in this pregnancy. I've felt it's been nothing but a battle. A battle to find someone to agree to a vbac, to find someone willing to fight for what's best for their patient rather than the hospital. It's also been a battle to get the care I feel has been needed. For once, even before meeting her, I feel like I wont have those worries or concerns anymore. That I wont have to worry about any pressure or stress during labor or delivery because it will be about what my body tells me rather than someone else and that's incredibly important. We are scheduled to meet with her on Wednesday evening and I can't wait. I'm hoping Will likes her as well and it helps him understand the importance of the difference in care/birth as well. I'm just so thankful that this fight I've had is just about over.