Sunday, November 4, 2012

VBAC Update...

My husband and I had an appointment on friday with the Midwife, Margaret from Heaven Sent Birth in Oklahoma City. I honestly thought this would be the best compromise we could make. He felt most comfortable with being at a hospital or a birthing center, and I don't feel comfortable that what I want for the birth will be heard in a hospital and I will be pressured/forced into another c-section.

When we got there he was shocked to see it was literally a house that was turned into a business. Nobody lived there and it was much like the other businesses around it, once a house but now zoned for business. He also expected there to be more of a "professional" and set up with equipment similar to a hospital delivery room which this wasn't. It was a very home like environment, but honestly that's what you seek out a midwife and birth center for. Meeting Margaret was good. She was nice and well educated and I especially liked the difference in the types of questions she asked me. Nobody had asked me before that day to tell them about my previous c-sections and how I ended up having them, which I felt mattered a lot trying for a vbac. Doctors had only asked for records from the births and that was it. I think it was more the difference in the type of care I liked more than it was her. As I said, she was nice, but for me, she wasn't as personable as I would have liked. She gave me a lot of good tips such as diet and vitamins that were great to take and asked me to take a journal of everything I ate over the following week and email it to her and get her a copy of my current prenatal records to review as well and we'd all decide if it was the right fit at that point.

On the drive back home Will and I discussed the visit. He told me about his concerns and the misconception he had as far as how the center would be and he felt it was no different than having a home birth. He brought up trying another hospital that was suggested to us to be vbac friendly and said that's what he would be comfortable with. I expressed that at this point and seeing the difference in the type of care, that I felt much for comfortable with a midwife. Even having a doula for a hospital birth wouldn't take away any of those pressures that would be there at a hospital for intervention if progression didn't happen at a rate they wanted. Yes, a doula would help me make a more informed decision in the moment, but there's still that pressure of being hassled during labor rather than being able to focus on what you should. I also really love the idea of being able to labor how I feel is right, not stuck laying in a bed the whole time hooked up to an IV and other people telling me when and what should happen. I love the idea of letting my body guiding me through it because it truly knows how and that's not possible in a hospital. So at that point, the lines were drawn. It upset me because I want us both to be comfortable with the birth of this baby. I want him to want those same things and to him it's just not a priority, having a doctor is.

A turning point. He told me it's obvious we aren't going to agree on what we are comfortable with for the birth, which I had already come to realize. So what now? He told me to have the birth I feel comfortable with. He told me that if I feel most comfortable having a home birth then go for it. Because we aren't going to agree, he felt it was more importan that I am comfortable with it than he is. As excited as I was to finally have an "ok" for a home birth, I just wish it was because he also felt it was best. I'm still hoping he comes around and after seeing the difference in care that comes from a midwife he will understand that it is the best decision. I want it to be something we can both feel good about and know we did the right thing.

Once we got back home I pulled out my computer and contacted a midwife I was suggested from the beginning, Camarell. She chimed in a lot when I posted in a local group about wanting a vbac and was incredibly helpful with information and input on my possibilities despite a home birth not being an option for us at the time. I've talked to a girl in my local babywearing group, Alyssa, who had her second son with Camarell which was a home water vbac and had nothing but great things to say about her experience and Camarell herself. She told me about what wonderful care she received through her pregnancy. Things like her check ups were in her home, they all lasted at least an hour and as long as 4 hours, that she genuinely cared about her and her family rather than delivering her baby and that was it. I want that. With a doctor I feel like just another person coming into their office and once they leave the exam room I'm no longer important or that it doesn't matter much that I want a vbac because the hospital is going to end up making that decision in the end.

This is honestly the most excited I've been so far in this pregnancy. I've felt it's been nothing but a battle. A battle to find someone to agree to a vbac, to find someone willing to fight for what's best for their patient rather than the hospital. It's also been a battle to get the care I feel has been needed. For once, even before meeting her, I feel like I wont have those worries or concerns anymore. That I wont have to worry about any pressure or stress during labor or delivery because it will be about what my body tells me rather than someone else and that's incredibly important. We are scheduled to meet with her on Wednesday evening and I can't wait. I'm hoping Will likes her as well and it helps him understand the importance of the difference in care/birth as well. I'm just so thankful that this fight I've had is just about over.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Crafty Mama is coming out....

I have been thinking about the list of things I've been wanting to make and DIY projects I've had for a while that I haven't gotten on. There are quite a few of them I have planned to be for the holidays as gifts or just decorations. I sometimes seem to lack the motivation to get things done even though I love to do them so I came up with an idea, a DIY-a-long. I made a group today on facebook and invited people and there are quite a few really excited about it as well. The plan is to pick a general item or category for each week that way it will allow many people to participate and nobody is limited by skills, no need for the project or anything else. It will also give each person quite a bit of room to be creative and do something they want within the skills they have. Each week there will be a different album for the projects to go in once completed so people can check them out and see what everyone else came up with and did for the week as well. I'm pretty excited about it and hoping it will give me some motivation to get some things completed I've been wanting to, but haven't yet.


My list of things I'd like to make so far:

Waldorf Dolls
Crayon Rolls
Princess Inspired Dresses (and matching ones for the waldorf dolls)
Doll Slings for the girls
Laundry Detergent
Body Scrubs
Chapstick
Christmas Wreath
Winter hats for the kids


I'm sure there's much more but that's what I can think of off the top of my head.

Monday, October 29, 2012

feeling better....

I've been resting quite a bit and taking the antibiotic the doctor gave me and I'm starting to feel much better. The antibiotic makes me feel sick though so it's effected my appetite and how much I've been able to drink, but I've been trying. I get in as much to drink and a meal before taking it in the morning and do the same before taking it again in the evening. The pain in my back has gone away but I've had horrible neck pain the past few days. Fortunately, Will has been great and rubbed my neck and shoulders which has helped a lot. Now I'm just trying to focus on something other than being sick while still taking it easy.

I'm a little late posting about this but last weekend I spent a day to make the girls outfits to wear to pick pumpkins in and they turned out really cute. I saw an outfit on pinterest I really liked but it was for sale for $45 and that just isn't in our budget so I figured I could recreate it myself how I liked. I made a few changes to it and it was only my second time doing an applique (the first I cut out a bird from fabric and just stitched around the print) so that could have turned out better but all in all I was happy with them and they got so many compliments on them which felt great. Here are some pictures of them....

Christin

Caitlyn

My 3 littles
This picture actually shows their personalities well. Christin is usually the prissy one ready for pictures, Nathan is usually the one that says "Do I have to Mom?" and Caitlyn throws tantrums in protest. 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Another bump in the road...

Tuesday I had my check up with my current doctor to follow up from the contractions and sharp pains. He did a vaginal exam, vaginal ultrasound and a topical ultrasound to make sure my cervix was still long/closed and the baby was ok. Everything looked just fine and he gave me a prescription for meds to stop the contractions to take twice a day and said that should help and I can continue to work unless it continues despite the meds which shouldn't happen.

By the time I got home from the doctor I had constant cramping and my back started to hurt some. I also had the constant feeling of needing to go to the bathroom and have a BM. Throughout the rest of the day it just got worse and worse and by the time I went to lay down for bed I was in so much pain I cried for hours until I was finally exhausted enough to fall asleep despite the pain.

I called the doctors office yesterday morning to tell them what had been going on since I left their office and they said they needed to have the nurse call me back. An hour later, I called back again cause I hadn't heard anything and they put me through with Donna, the office manager who has been great. She spoke with the doctor and he said for me to come right in to do a UA (check for UTI) and possibly a culture depending. I went right in and did a urine sample and waited for them to test it. Once they had the nurse brought me back to a room and said the doctor would be right in to talk to me. When he came in, he asked my symptoms and what had been going on and I told him. He said that he was going to give me a prescription for an antibiotic because it may be a kidney infection. I let him know about my history with a UTI when I was pregnant with Nathan and he said ok and left the room. When he came back in, he had the prescription and told me that it showed I didn't have a UTI so he thought it could be a kidney infection since they dont always show up in urine tests. I questioned my symptoms and asked if it could be causing all of them and he said well not all but most and it could also possibly be kidney stones but for me to take the antibiotic and hopefully that will help me feel better. Yes, completely reassuring that your doctor is treating you on a "it MAY be this or it MAY be that".

I went back home and continued in the same unbearable pain for hours not even sure if what he said would even help. Once Will got home from work last night he took me to the ER to get checked out there. They also did a urine test and drew blood. Someone from labor and delivery came down to check the baby's heart beat with a doppler. It took over 5 minutes for her to find it, but once she finally did it was 160. After the urine test, they came back in and told me I absolutely have a UTI and to take the antibiotic the doctor gave me and that should clear it up. I questioned how they were so sure I had one and yet I had tested negative in the office hours before. She said she had no idea how they got that result earlier and in fact I had a pretty bad infection because it even came back "too much to count". She said I've likely had it a while for it to come back and it has probably gotten to my kidney which is why I'm having the horrible back pains. They gave me a prescription to help with the pain to take if I need it and sent me home.

At least I have a more definitive answer on what's wrong than "it may be this or that", but it doesn't make me feel any more comfortable with my current doctor's office. How could they come up with me not having a UTI just hours before? How could they not have tested before when I was in there twice for contractions and sharp pains they had no idea why I was having them. He had asked me if I had any of the symptoms of a UTI and I told him no, but told him of my history with Nathan and the only symptom I ever had then (in the 2 months ongoing I had one) was a fever and that was it. There's so much that just doesn't make sense to me.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Insurance coverage...

I have needed to update on this for several days now but am just now getting to it. While waiting to hear back from the Birthing Center in OKC, I decided to call my insurance company and see what our coverage is for it. It's considered "out of network" and instead of our $350 deductible and then 90% coverage it would be a $3500 deductible and 60% coverage after that. That is a HUGE difference and so it seems I am back to the drawing board.

I have been suggested a particular doctor at OU hospital up in the city who is highly recommended by the doulas in that area so that's my next call. I have a check up with my current OB in the morning to see what he says about everything that's been going on. I had another spell of sharp pains and contractions last week and he was out of town so they put me out of work for a week and to follow up with him as soon as he is back tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Back on the hunt

Now that I've had time to settle from all the events last week with the contractions it's time to get back to looking into all of my options for this birth. Yesterday I  met with a wonderful local Doula named Jasmine. She had spoken with other colleges of hers about the possibility of a vbac and the chances of it happening here in Lawton aren't great because of Southwestern's policies. If we were military, Reynolds would be a great option that would be much more supportive but I dont have that option. She suggested I look into the options closer to Oklahoma City and the birthing center up there as well, Heaven Sent. I tried to get information on their website last night but it wasn't working completely. It loaded up and had the link options on the left, but clicking on them didn't load anything.

So far today, Jasmine suggested a friend of hers up near the city to call that is a doula. She is really experienced and would be able to offer me a lot of great advice on what my options would be in that area. I called her and she will be in the office tomorrow. I also tried calling Heaven Sent today to get information and left a message so I'm hoping to hear something back from them to find out  more about how the birthing center works.

Monday, October 8, 2012

A weekend of complications....

Saturday started out as any normal day. I went to work for 3 hours to QA during the lunch rush and they thought they may need me to help out that night so I went home and cleaned up around the house for a while until I needed to call in and see. They didn't need me to come in so I went off to pick up the kids from my in laws. On the way over there I started feeling contractions which I didn't know was possible at 15 weeks. They continued for the next couple hours and I started to get concerned. I messaged a friend to see if it was possible to get contractions that early and she told me to contact my OB right away. I called L&D and they told me that they couldn't do anything about it since I'm not 20 weeks yet. They suggested I lay down and drink lots of water and try to relax. She then went on to say that they aren't able to do anything if they continue because the baby isn't considered "viable". WOW! That is the scariest thing I've ever heard and definitely didn't make it any easier to relax. I took it as easy as possible that night and felt a bit better in the morning when I woke up, but continued to have contractions each time I rolled over or got up to go to the bathroom. I went into work and let my manager know what was going on and asked if he could get me out of there as early as possible because of everything. I ended up working 2 hours and by the end of my shift I was having a lot more contractions than I'd had the night before and started having a sharp vaginal pain come and go. As soon as I got home I laid back down and got some water and grapes to snack on. After a while of laying down the contractions let up a lot and the pain dulled until it was gone. I was able to get my lower back pain gone by using a heating pad on low and felt a lot better until I moved a lot or got up for something.

This morning I gave my current doctor's office a call and told then what happened over the weekend. They told me the nurse would have to call me back between patients. After a while I got a call back from the nurse and told her what happened all over again. She then told me that it's normal to have a discomfort as the baby gets bigger and my stomach stretches to accommodate the baby growing. I then told her that this is my third pregnancy and by this point know the difference between contractions and my body stretching. She told me if I felt it was more than that then I could come in and get checked out but recommended I lay down if it was bothering me. I told her she obviously wasn't listening to my issues at all and I didn't feel comfortable being seen by that office if they were going to disregard concerns and hung up. I then called the office I was attempting to switch to so I could see if they received my records from my previous cesarian. They hadn't so I followed up with my doctor in Maryland and they assured me they would get them sent over. I called Dr. Jones' office back to let them know and asked if I could make an appointment anyway because of everything going on. They then told me I couldn't make an appointment until they received my current prenatal records, which they never told me I needed when I discussed transferring last thursday but said ok. I called Dr. zweig's office to see what I needed to do for them to send my records over to Dr. Jones and they told me to sign a release at the new office and have them request them for them to release them. They then asked my name. I arranged for my husband to pick up the authorization form from Dr. Jones so I could fill it out and bring it back. While waiting for the form, I got a call from the office manager at Dr. zweig's office apologizing for the nurse and asking me to give them another chance and it wouldn't happen again. She also told me the doctor was standing there and would love to discuss my issues with me and I was welcome to come right in and be seen if it was convenient for me. I told her I was concerned with my care in that office and didn't feel comfortable and had already started the process of getting my records transfered over to another office.

While waiting for my husband to get the authorization form back to Dr. Jones' office, I got a call from Dr. zweig himself. He told me how sorry he was and how wrong the nurse was and I should have never been treated that way. I told him he had made me feel the same way regarding a possible vbac and I had already been seeking another office that would be more supportive in my attempt for one. He told me he never meant to make me feel like he wasn't supportive and he has no issues doing them at all, his limitations are with the hospital guidelines. Because they have to have an operating team there and ready during labor for a vbac, they have a lot of pressure from the hospital if things dont progress quickly. He said the hospital pressures them after a while to just do a cesarian because they are paying that team to do nothing and dont want to. I may be crazy here, but as my doctor, he has an obligation to make decisions best medically for his patient. That does not mean force your patient into an unnecessary cesarian because the hospital doesn't want to pay their staff even though it's their policy requiring them to be there the entire time. Forcing a patient into an unnecessary surgery for convenience and cost efficiency of the hospital is not right. He agreed with me and told me he feels there are way too many cesarians and repeat cesarians being performed daily that are not necessary and it's not right. He also assured me he would do everything he can do ensure all efforts are made within the hospital guidelines for my vbac and be more supportive of it. I agreed to go in and check how the baby was because at this point that was important.

When I went in he immediately apologized to me as soon as he saw me which was just in the hallway. The nurse had me check my weight and do my urine sample and brought me back into one of the rooms. She started to take my blood pressure and as she was she chose then to say she was sorry for what happened over the phone and she understood why I was so upset and she didn't mean to make me feel that way at all. She then asked me if I still had the cramping. I told her no, I never had any cramping. She then asked, "so it was just the stretching feeling". NO. How she got that out of contractions and sharp vaginal pains I will never understand. I told her that's how I KNOW she didn't listen to a word I said at all and that was obvious cause I never said anything about either of those. I looked away and wouldn't even look at her after that. She then said she was sorry again and left the room to get the doctor.

Dr. zweig came in and apologized again for the issues I had this morning and told me they wouldn't happen again. He then suggested he do an ultrasound and check my cervix to ensure it hadn't dilated at all from the contractions. The ultrasound showed my cervix was still closed and no dilation which was great. He did notice that a small part of my placenta was a bit low and close to my cervix which he said could be causing the issues I was having. It's something that can correct itself as my uterus gets bigger which is good. He told me to take it easy and rest as much as I can. If the contractions continue then he'd have to put me out of work for a while, until things get better. The baby looked totally healthy though and was moving around a lot, also had a nice healthy heart beat. He kept trying to figure out if it's a boy or a girl and had a hard time getting a good view. He said he thinks he kept seeing something there which would mean boy but couldn't be sure cause of the view.

When leaving, he told me if I have any concerns at all or just want to check how things are going with the baby feel free to give them a call or even come by if I'm already out and he'd be more than happy to do an ultrasound and check the baby out for me at any time. It made me feel a lot better than earlier. The office manager also came and introduced herself to me and gave me her private line and told me if I have any concerns at all feel free to give her a call and she will be sure to take care of it.

I also got a call from Dr. Jones' office through all this letting me know that they got my records from my cesarian and he would not do a vbac for me but if I wanted to switch to him knowing that I'd have to have another cesarian they'd be happy to make an appointment for me. Thanks, but no thanks.

At this point, I dont know if I'll continue to see Dr. zweig through my entire pregnancy or not but I'm going to give him a chance. I honestly can't even think about what to do about doctors right now anyway. This day alone has been quite a whirlwind. I am incredibly thankful the baby looks completely healthy though and hope things get better from this point.